Wilson Tuckey at the Gates of Hell













Wilson Tuckey:  Knock, Knock.













Satan at the Gates of Hell:  Who’s there?

Wilson Tuckey: Who’s there? Who’s there? have a fucken guess who arsehole, that’s who?

Satan at the Gates of Hell: Ummm…Excuse me?

Wilson Tuckey: No listen, you heard me you old bastard.

Satan at the Gates of Hell: Look in between spreading hatred, poverty, creating wars, destroying currencies, ruining relationships, collapsing financial markets, making arrangements for the Bush family, and of course choosing which American state to inflict the next natural disaster on, I really don’t have time to put up with this sort of crap.  Now who is this?

Wilson Tuckey: Oh shit, Well umm excuse me your holiness. It’s me, you know, your old mate Wils…

Satan at the Gates of Hell: Ahh fuck, Wilson Tuckey?  I told you before to stop bothering me.  I thought I saw the last of you after I plotted the downfall of that bastard Howard.

Wilson Tuckey: I do apologise your holiness.  Now in my defence I am one of your most profitable Angels of Hatred, my track record on spreading the wonderful words of vile and disdain against environmentalists, journalists, women, unionists, refugees, the young, the old, the rich and poor is second to none.  Pick a minority group and I’ve vilified it, I’m your man baby!

Satan at the Gates of Hell:  Hmmm, well I see, you raise a good point and I’m disappointed you forgot to mention that your track record on inflicting violence upon indigenous Australians is second to none.  That was careless Wilson.  Careless, you’re a real first class arsehole and that’s why I love you.  Now what do you want?

Wilson Tuckey: Look now listen, the thing is I need boats.

Satan at the Gates of Hell: Boats?  Now I say this in jest, but what on earth would a senile country dwelling redneck prick like your good self do with boats Wilson?

Wilson Tuckey: Now look, umm, I’m concerned that if this cocky little bastard Rudd remains in office much longer, Australians might develop a heart, a social conscience, a sense of decency, or some other bullshit lefty ideal…I need something to bloody hijack this positive message, something to recapture the hearts and minds of all Australians, something that’ll instil some fear back into those little fuckers.  I need some boats.

Satan at the Gates of hell: Oh now I see.  Well I’ll see what I can do.



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